Told my friend that I’m struggling to find flights that I can afford to attend the funeral- and she sounded so sad and defeated. Shoot. I don’t know what to do. I just flat out don’t have $1100. And I don’t even really have $600 or $800 to fly to another city and then drive/train/bus/etc… I wouldn’t be living at my parents’ house right now if I did. This is so incredibly frustrating. The best option that I see right now is to fly from LAX (2.5 hours away from me now) to Cincinnati (200 miles away from her) and then rent a car and drive the 6 hours to her. But that’s still over $600. The other option is to fly to NYC from LAX for about $580 and then take the $200 Amtrak with another friend for 18 hours and then rent a car and drive the rest of the way. AHHHHHHHH! How are these the only options?! OR, I can fly from LAX to Philadelphia for $800 and catch a ride with her friend tomorrow for a 10 hour drive. But that one doesn’t work because I don’t even think that I can physically get to Philly, because of flight times and time zones, by the time that she needs to leave. I just. I feel like I’m walking into a brick wall over and over again. I looked up the bereavement fares as one of you suggested, but they’re only for immediate family so I don’t qualify. How are people supposed to go to funerals if this is what they’re facing? Unemployed people just can’t go?
As I wrote earlier, one of my Bff’s mother passed this morning. She suffered from a neurodegenerative disease and the death was not entirely unexpected, but still entirely heartbreaking. I want to be there for my friend because losing your mother is a big deal.
The problem is one of the age-old problems: money. I don’t have a job. I don’t know when I’m going to get a job. I’m living at my parents’ house to save money while I’m job searching. And I just spent the last of my “extra” money on my last- minute flights two weeks ago for the big breakup breakdown. What do I do? My friend’s family lives in a remote area of Ohio that is far from most airports. To get the funeral on Friday, I’ve been looking at flights all day and flights from my airport (San Diego) to the closest airport to her are over $1000. Even if I drive to LAX (60+ miles aways) and then fly to the next closest airport and then rent a car and drive 200 miles to her, the flight is still over $600, plus the cost of the rental car and a hotel.
I feel stuck and don’t know what to do. What do you do when you literally can’t afford to get there? Do I spend all of my savings, even though I really need the cushion to get through these jobless months?
Phone call from one of my best friends this morning that her mother just died. Flying out there as soon I learn more information. I’ve been taking a lot from Tumblr these days, but please send your prayers and best wishes to her.
Okay deep breath. It’s over. The move is over. I have my car back. I have my stuff back. It’s like a Carrie Underwood song.
I’m telling myself that it’s really time to get going on this moving on thing. T switched out his photos and so am I (metaphorically speaking because i have no idea where my picture frames are in my boxes… lol).
San Francisco. Something to look forward to. Something to hustle for. Time to start networking like crazy. Time to start making new friends. Not time to start dating, but that’s different. There are so few times in life when you can just pick up and go somewhere cool just because you want to. I’m doing it. And it’s happening this year. That’s a cool thing. I need to remember that. Please remind me of this. This is an awesome opportunity.
A friend of mine sent this to me last week and it’s stuck with me:
Does this look like someone who is ready to take on the world alone? I hope so.. that’s what I’m going for! Root for me!
Today I officially moved out of T’s condo. Boxed up the last of my stuff and had the movers haul it away to my parents’ house while I strategize my move to San Francisco. It was a pretty terrible experience. I didn’t like being in the condo. T changed out all the picture frames that used to have photos of the two of us, so that was awful to see. Plus, to make matters worse, my dad, who doesn’t roll well with the punches at all, met me at the storage unit with the movers and just added to the stress by 1000%. He was mad that they were late, and mad that it was expensive, and stressed about how the stuff was fitting, and mad that I’m bringing 6 boxes to the house (6. That’s it. Out of everything that I own in the entire world. 6 boxes. Most of which is clothing.). It’s taking everything I have to keep from crying. This was one of the hardest days for me. Moving out of my ex- lovers house is a big deal. And then he’s the one is stressed about. It’s my day to be stressed. Just let it be, please. Ugh. I just want to close my eyes and have all of this be over.
I’ve had a glass of wine and I’m still sad and I want to write this e-mail to T, but I’m going to write it here instead so that I don’t send it to him.
Since we were living together we’ve had to e-mail a few times about the logistics of me moving my stuff out. My movers are coming tomorrow so I have a rough day ahead of me. He e-mailed today and said that he found my ski pants that I asked him to look for. This is how I want to respond (but I didn’t. I wrote a generic, thanks for looking, e-mail that was much nicer than how I really feel.
Hi, I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve decided that I need to not speak to you for a while. I’m angry at you and I need time on my own so that I don’t say something that I’ll regret and so I’ll move on. Maybe I’ll be ready in a month. Maybe never. That was a pretty shitty thing you did. I still can’t believe we had breakfast together like it was a regular day. I cut up fruit and offered you nicely cut up slices to go in your yogurt and you accepted! It’s insane that you could do that and have a normal breakfast and then break up with me out of the freaking blue. Who does that? I would never do that. To anyone. But especially not to someone who I’ve shared my life with, intimately, for over two years, and who has no idea that anything is wrong. It really bothers me that you were pretending that everything was fine, when really, you were doubting everything. I can’t believe you didn’t say anything. I can’t believe we didn’t discuss anything. We’re adults. I thought we had a adult relationship. I would have talked with you about my issues before doing this. The good news is, you have thoroughly freaked me out with how false you are able to be, such that I no longer know if anything that we shared was real. I can’t talk with you or be near you or associate with you at all for a while until I can get over that. How long were you feeling this way? Probably before I moved in, which, by the way, is the source of another rant. I’m done. I’m over it. I’m moving on. I’m trying to see the beauty in what we had, but mostly I just feel betrayed and I think it’s going to take a long time to see the beauty in what I thought was love, but which turned out to be something else.
I’ll talk to you when I talk to you. And stop using exclamation points in your emails and stop acting nice. I hate you (right now and maybe forever).
- The girl who formerly loved you and who thought you loved too.